Not a Trader Anymore

Three years ago, I got my Galaxy Fold 3 phone off a Facebook Marketplace post while visiting my dad in Florida.¹ I was so excited because I knew I was about to enter some big trades, and this was just the device I needed.² Briefly, my dad wanted me to go on a trip across Europe after I graduated, and a tablet in my hand meant I could keep up with the TradingView app.

Since I haven't written about it before, it was a nice trip. I had an adventure finding the absolute cheapest places I could stay along the route through AirBo (mostly).³ With only an eSim to keep me connected to the markets on the go, this phone meant everything as my chief link to trading.

A couple months after I got it, I was finishing up my last semester, where I commuted daily on my skateboard. The Fold was open, playing a video while I tinkered with my wheels at home. That’s when this simple maintenance turned into a heartbreaking nightmare.

After unscrewing one of the wheels, it fell out of my grip and off the miniature table I'd propped the board on. And it fell smack-dab in the middle of the delicate interior screen. A giant vertical green line immediately appeared and the whole display had smaller vertical lines colored throughout.

I remember bawling my eyes out for what felt like hours. I was on the ground alone, sobbing endlessly over this damage. It felt like a gaping hole opened inside my heart.

The Hole

I remember writing about this hole before. I think it has appeared in Macro days and the gratitude journal. I really can't tell if it's greed, pride, or something else.

The reason I was so distraught had nothing to do with implicated repair costs. When I looked at that splintered screen, I saw everything I'd ever cared about torn away.⁴ The reality of a three-month trip without trading hit me like a brick wall.

For the first time, I realized that I'd be away from my full setup for practically ages.⁵ Sure, I could monitor the BTC trade by that time and minimally explore other setups, but it'd be a completely different pace than the comprehensiveness I was used to. For the first time ever, I felt like I couldn't be a trader, and it made me want to explode inside.

Kennesaw Mountain

I made a sentimental trade when I decided to end polyphasic trading for a deference towards finding a partner. I'd seen clearly the potential of that lifestyle, and it was abundantly clear that the path would lead to sizable wealth, to put it gently. But I just couldn't believe the world was meant to be that isolated.⁶

I wore a small "gold" necklace during Uberman. It was my constant reminder to find strength in every second of every day (it never came off). It also reminded me that I define the chains I want to live my life within, since all this was my free choice.⁷

When I stopped, I took the distant and connecting route to Kennesaw Mountain.⁸ And, after a two-hour ride and similar hike, I looked out over the horizon from its beautiful peak. Stunned with grace and a longstanding appreciation for nature, I dug a small hole and buried the necklace as the sun began to set.

Gradual Shifting

Over the years since, I've come to accept that my present roles need to be much more than trading. Most directly, I've uncovered a deep appreciation for distributed asset managers which (while I always had) far surpassed my limited early interpretations of inefficient capital allocation (whereby I only saw people giving their money to anyone but me). This point likely exceeds the scope of the post, but generally it has been quite humbling to realize the vast efficiencies of markets connecting billions of people through dispersed independent self-interest.

My actions had to diverge from trading early on if I really wanted the needed infrastructure built out in any timely manner.⁹ So, I suppressed my desires, closed down my accounts, and hunkered down to build out TAD3. In practice, this just looked like all my funds sitting in a savings account, which would make any money manager worth their salt vomit in disgust.

Honestly, it wasn't awesome. Every now and then, I'd see a headline somewhere random and remember how absolutely cream-pie easy it would've been to make a quick banker on ^VIX options. It's just something I deeply believe should be done well, and to live up to that standard would personally necessitate unilateral commitment.¹⁰

Next Step

These last months, I've stopped reciting the seven billion part of my T&GR objective. I don't know if it's the stress, magnitude, or something else; but I haven't felt the need to harp so much on the monetary side, an act which brings momentary pleasure but really isn't on the mark of immediate efforts. And I dropped the deadline long ago for centralization concerns raised in the last Macro.¹¹

It was originally framed around managing assets for everyone on the planet, but I now understand that is a naive and baseless prerogative compared to the localized power of all working in unison. And now I see so clearly this future economic reality where Stellar becomes the world's shared infrastructure, with lumens as the common people's medium. The native inflation is so genius because it's precisely the lower echelons who can finally benefit from inflation through pioneering governance in precisely the opposite way of the Cantillonaire effect so egregious.

These last two weeks, I've had perfect trades in my hand. Trades which easily turned a few grand into the six figures. But I was so caught up in the SEC examination that I learned big.

Different Person

In thinking about these positions under intense scrutiny,¹² I've come to realize that I've changed. I'm thinking about more than PNL because there's finally much more at stake than money. The Syndicate work and particularly SEC attention have brought me to understand that practicably the future of U.S. market structure could rest on my reputation.

I really hope that's not the case, and I don't take it lightly that I even consider that a possibility. But there's just nobody else who's done this. And I can't let markets forever discourage the TAD concept because I messed up a Congressional testimony as "the face" of something so much bigger than me.

And even on a working basis, it's been years since I've been fully immersed in real trading. It's all been this systems thinking and typed work-products which differ starkly from buy/sells. Don't get me wrong, it's been marvelous work with inspiring people, but again it's just really different from sitting alone in a room 20 hours a day and examining the markets.

Different World

As to the last point, there's a particular difference that's emerged over the years in my interpretation of public (or really any) centralized companies. In fleshing out the currency reform ideas, I've come to the interpretation that it might not actually be the best use of my time to pick who will be a "winner" or "loser" in strictly entity instances. If I were to say, want to convince the world to use gold bullion coins for everything, then it's a little irrelevant how well I can multiply my own share of the metal through investments in productive assets.

I'm much more fascinated by society-wide nonprofit changes which go beyond the early level of asset management seen in competing money managers. In words my constituents would use, it's just more interesting work which intellectually stimulates me in a way not seen by trading anymore. I even remarked recently to someone who kindly offered to have me manage their wealth¹³ that everything was just too easy.

Predictability like this only comes from centralization. There's never a means of guessing who the inventor will be out of a crowd of preschoolers. And I don't want a centralized society.

Regulatory Candor

Because trading is so deeply in my blood, it's challenging to unwind my thoughts on certain financial assets from my work-products. For instance, I've been delaying the 723 PR for a year now because I know I'll receive more consideration in terms of nominal virtual currency if I wait for the price to go back down to the publicly-shared support level. And even that tweet of a price chart really blurs the line between bona fide professional accounting and degen trader happiness.

To put it more clearly, take for instance the BTC trade referenced earlier. In the TAR1 comment letter, I explicitly lay out for the Commission that Wall Street will collapse the price of BTC to bankrupt Cede. Later discussion in the WhyDRS Discord affirmed this sentiment through an explicit public endorsement of an imminent collapse.

Thus, if I make the trade, now it really starts looking like I'm trying to manipulate the market. One conversation which comes to mind was just before the Great Financial Crisis. Peter Schiff was on stage in front of all the dickheads explaining to them that everything was about to completely kerplink itself.

One thing I learned growing up was that I can't tell "two versions of the truth." I just find it immensely difficult to share anything other than the direct primary sources which definitively establish a chain of facts. And from that basis I clarify my opinions.

Confident Action

The challenge comes when taking decisive action which, in a relatively centralized manner, requires certain due haste. Under the burden of insane centralized deadlines these last months, I've come to find that I can and will leave non-material things out when push comes to shove. And there is no amount of money I'd pay to be allowed to voice my full opinions.

Years ago, I considered buying a sidearm. Before then, I was fascinated with the idea of a bulletproof t-shirt. I've always thought "they" would come for me because of our work.

But I realized this constant paranoia just wasn't healthy.¹⁴ And now I have the same feeling regarding the "conflict of interest" charges pegged against Schiff when actively making perhaps one of the few legendary trades that collapse insurance assholes. It's just not worth living these two lives where I need to think about whether or not my work presents financial advice.

Accordingly, I'm taking a page out of my years past and climbing a nearby mountain to bury the FTX sunglasses I got at Bitcoin 2022. I can't think of a more fitting centralized "finance bro" artifact so conspicuously implicated in immediate conflicts of interest. While I've thought about digging up those chains, I'll never come back for this fraud booger.